on living with Academics

Your first indication of our abnormal living situation occurred whilst attempting to cross the kitchen. It was done with much difficulty, the soles of your shoes stubbornly attaching themselves to the layers of dirt and grease that coated the linoleum. Of course, there were previous warning signs that you somehow failed to notice: a sink and counter so full of dirty dishes that the last person to eat was forced to set their used plate on the washer or stove, pumpkin seeds from the party held a week ago- still attached to the carpet, having to run next door for a roll of toilet paper because you ran out (again), “stealing” paper cups from the last event you attended because the flat could really use them, being overcome with that sense of dread when you realize that the only milk left in the house is yours, and until your flatmates replenish their own stock they will inevitably be dipping into yours. Ah, this is life with Academics. But it should be understood that they are not dirty, and they certainly are not lazy, they just have an altogether different set of priorities. Really, if given a choice between scrubbing the kitchen floor or writing a paper on Jane Austen and the Enlightenment that is due the following week, the Academic must undoubtedly choose the paper. For no matter what they are doing, the mind of an Academic is constantly overshadowed with the knowledge of studies that are yet to be accomplished. In fact, immediately upon the start of the term, cleanliness is forced to join the ranks of sleep, healthy eating habits and communicating with those at home that have dropped to the bottom of the Academic’s “to do” list. It should also be known that the Academic’s behavior during term should not be considered a reflection of his or her character as a whole, nor should non-Academics become offended by his or her conduct during this time. Next time you ask an Academic a question, and it is several moments before you receive an answer, usually an answer that has nothing to do with the original question, check to make sure that he or she is not currently working on a paper. Or should you call sometime after 10pm only to discover the Academic has gone out for the evening, rather than feel neglected, rejoice that the Academic has somehow found a way to part with his or her studies, if only for a few moments. Most importantly, should you realize that your Academic has not been to bed before 3am in several weeks and enjoys a diet consisting of toast and tea, do not be alarmed, but know it is only for a season, and that in a few weeks time your Academic shall be returned to you more knowledgeable, more disciplined and almost as healthy as when he or she left.